emails from my dad - Gianni's Bar and Grille. Guns and shit. And Bourbon. And occasional side boob

AnimalChin · 10th December 2007, 10:25

this thread is about emails my dad sends me

Subject: Fw: CBS DIDN'T STOP HIM- THIS IS GREAT

Good for him!!!
Surprised CBS let him get away with this even though he's right

Right on, Andy Rooney !

Andy Rooney said on '60 Minutes' a few we eks back:

I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers.. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens...Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, which is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl
Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE ?

I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.

I have the right 'NOT' to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.

When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling; it is the Law of Probability.

I believe that if you are selling me a milkshake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English!

My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours.

I think the police should have every right to shoot you if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word 'freeze' or 'stop ' in English, see the above lines.

I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business. We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations.

I don't hate the rich I don't pity the poor

I know pro-wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them.

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building.

It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say 'NO!'

I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, b ut please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me French fries!

I am sick of 'Political Correctness.' I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa ; so how can they be 'African-Americans'? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else

And if you don't like my point of view, tough...

I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG, OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA , AND TO THE REPUBLIC, FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIV ISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!
I was asked to send this on if I agree or delete if I don't. It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God.. Therefore I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in having 'In God We Trust' on our money and having 'God' in the Pledge of Allegiance. Why don't we just tell the 14% to BE QUIET!!!

If you agree, pass this on, if not delete. .

this was sent in HTML format with a really huge bold font.

AnimalChin · 10th December 2007, 10:25

Christmas Carols from the DSM-V of the American Psychiatric Association

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and
Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....

6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry,
I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look
at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

bigdaddy · 10th December 2007, 11:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnimalChin


	Subject: Fw: CBS DIDN'T STOP HIM- THIS IS GREAT Good for him!!! Surprised CBS let him get away with this even though he's right Right on, Andy Rooney ! Andy Rooney said on '60 Minutes' a few we eks back...

It all sounds great and I agree with 99% of it. One problem, though, it never happened. This is more Internet Urban Legend. He never said any of it. As my parents always taught me, if it sounds too good to be true it ain't...

AnimalChin · 10th December 2007, 14:09

it's from MY DAD

maladjusted · 10th December 2007, 14:28

tl/dr

Rooflechicken · 10th December 2007, 20:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnimalChin


	it's from MY DAD

Then it HAS to be true.

Wait, aren't you adopted???

DieHippy · 11th December 2007, 05:15

what did dad forward you this morning?

Hung0v3r · 11th December 2007, 10:01

FW: FW: FW: FW: LOL

sandman · 11th December 2007, 10:42

A/C, I got this in my email. Your dad might want to know about this. . . It’s supposed to be a SECRET.

....................................................................

Hello!

My name is Lucy Malone and I am from Alpine, TX.

It is my patriotic duty to let you know that there is a secret organization in the United States, which has a hard evidence that George W. Bush and his administration ARE GUILTY of many crimes including terrorist attack on September 11, 2001.

Also they inform that BUSH and his administration plan to cancel the presidential election in 2008!

They will be able to stop George W. Bush, 'cause they have 1543 documents, 402 secret tapes and 135 witnesses, which prove that George W. Bush has betrayed us and lied to us!IF YOU ARE AN AMERICAN, IF YOU ARE SICK AND TIRED OF BUSH LIES AND IF YOU WANT GEORGE BUSH AND HIS ADMINISTRATION TO BE STOPPED ASAP, then you MUST KNOW the horrible truth about the White House Mafia:

http://211.172.232.126/index.html

P.S. If you want to stop the Bush regime, let others know about this organization. UNITED, We will obtain justice!

---- With best regards, Lucy Malone!
.
.
.

AnimalChin · 11th December 2007, 10:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by DieHippy


	what did dad forward you this morning?

nothing yet

and no i wasn't adopted but my brother was. he's a dick. also he has abandoned my parents as of about 7 months ago. he won't call or nothing. i however abondoned him like 15 years ago. cause he's a dick.

bigdaddy · 11th December 2007, 19:54

Isn't "abondoned" the same as giving him a snuggie?

DieHippy · 12th December 2007, 05:32

i got the jay leno email this morning.

how's the whiskey taste today?

Hondo · 12th December 2007, 09:15

Quote:

Originally Posted by DieHippy


	how's the whiskey taste today?

Prolly not as good coming back up as it was going down

AnimalChin · 12th December 2007, 12:03

Quote:


	how is the whiskey taste

oh fine

AnimalChin · 15th December 2007, 11:38

Greetings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To All My Democrat Friends:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wished.
To My Republican Friends:
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

AnimalChin · 21st December 2007, 09:21

From Today's Wall Street Journal:

Bloomberg: China will introduce its first passenger jet today, taking on Bombardier and Empresa Brasileira de Aeronautica in the world's fastest-growing aviation market. China Aviation Industry, the nation's biggest plane maker, will showcase its first midsize ARJ21 regional jet at the Shanghai Aircraft Manufacturing Factory.

UPDATE: China has now announced that after an initial test flight, there will be a delay in delivery of this new plane. Turns out that it was painted with lead paint and couldn't get off the ground!

AnimalChin · 21st December 2007, 10:21

aahahahahahah

bigdaddy · 21st December 2007, 11:48

Not from my dad, but I did just get this from the PM on one of our projects.

MAN LAWS

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(1) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(2) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(3) After wrecking your boss' car.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However , complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is forbidden.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops; not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... if it's delivered by a model, and only when it's free!

11 : Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

12: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

13: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

14: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies, until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

15: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just plain greedy.

16: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

17: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(1) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(2) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(3) Another set and we can hit the showers!

20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

21: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

22 : Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of pink, lime green, or sky blue.

23: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

24: There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. Period!

LOL!

sandman · 21st December 2007, 14:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigdaddy


	5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

WOOPS.

Nebraskababe · 21st December 2007, 17:17

E-mail that to Frank Caliendo to do on his next Andy Rooney skit...

This is what my Dad sent me in e-mail today:

10th December 2007, 10:25	#1
AnimalChin DRINK CHEERWINE Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 1,001,028	emails from my dad this thread is about emails my dad sends me Subject: Fw: CBS DIDN'T STOP HIM- THIS IS GREAT Good for him!!! Surprised CBS let him get away with this even though he's right Right on, Andy Rooney ! Andy Rooney said on '60 Minutes' a few we eks back: I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers.. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens...Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door. Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game. I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, which is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE ? I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion. I have the right 'NOT' to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off. When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling; it is the Law of Probability. I believe that if you are selling me a milkshake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English! My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours. I think the police should have every right to shoot you if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word 'freeze' or 'stop ' in English, see the above lines. I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business. We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations. I don't hate the rich I don't pity the poor I know pro-wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them. I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building. It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say 'NO!' I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, b ut please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me French fries! I am sick of 'Political Correctness.' I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa ; so how can they be 'African-Americans'? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else And if you don't like my point of view, tough... I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG, OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA , AND TO THE REPUBLIC, FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIV ISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL! I was asked to send this on if I agree or delete if I don't. It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God.. Therefore I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in having 'In God We Trust' on our money and having 'God' in the Pledge of Allegiance. Why don't we just tell the 14% to BE QUIET!!! If you agree, pass this on, if not delete. . this was sent in HTML format with a really huge bold font.

10th December 2007, 10:25	#2
AnimalChin DRINK CHEERWINE Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 1,001,028	Re: emails from my dad Christmas Carols from the DSM-V of the American Psychiatric Association 1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear? 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are 3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas 4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me 5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and..... 6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me 7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire 8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why 9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away? 10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

10th December 2007, 14:09	#4
AnimalChin DRINK CHEERWINE Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 1,001,028	Re: emails from my dad it's from MY DAD

10th December 2007, 14:28	#5
maladjusted Hellappotamus Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 10,066	Re: emails from my dad tl/dr

11th December 2007, 05:15	#7
DieHippy Hella Bolognafried Warrior Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Home motherfuckers Posts: 3,789	Re: emails from my dad what did dad forward you this morning?

11th December 2007, 10:01	#8
Hung0v3r Administrator Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 608	Re: emails from my dad FW: FW: FW: FW: LOL

11th December 2007, 10:42	#9
sandman Upon us all a little rain must fall. Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: U.S. of K.K.K.A Posts: 5,502	Re: emails from my dad A/C, I got this in my email. Your dad might want to know about this. . . It’s supposed to be a SECRET. .................................................................... Hello! My name is Lucy Malone and I am from Alpine, TX. It is my patriotic duty to let you know that there is a secret organization in the United States, which has a hard evidence that George W. Bush and his administration ARE GUILTY of many crimes including terrorist attack on September 11, 2001. Also they inform that BUSH and his administration plan to cancel the presidential election in 2008! They will be able to stop George W. Bush, 'cause they have 1543 documents, 402 secret tapes and 135 witnesses, which prove that George W. Bush has betrayed us and lied to us!IF YOU ARE AN AMERICAN, IF YOU ARE SICK AND TIRED OF BUSH LIES AND IF YOU WANT GEORGE BUSH AND HIS ADMINISTRATION TO BE STOPPED ASAP, then you MUST KNOW the horrible truth about the White House Mafia: http://211.172.232.126/index.html P.S. If you want to stop the Bush regime, let others know about this organization. UNITED, We will obtain justice! ---- With best regards, Lucy Malone! . . .

11th December 2007, 19:54	#11
bigdaddy McDonalds has STEAK on ANY breakfast sandwich! Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: TEXAS! Posts: 1,906	Re: emails from my dad Isn't "abondoned" the same as giving him a snuggie?

12th December 2007, 05:32	#12
DieHippy Hella Bolognafried Warrior Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Home motherfuckers Posts: 3,789	Re: emails from my dad i got the jay leno email this morning. how's the whiskey taste today?

15th December 2007, 11:38	#15
AnimalChin DRINK CHEERWINE Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 1,001,028	Re: emails from my dad Greetings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To All My Democrat Friends: Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wished. To My Republican Friends: Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

21st December 2007, 09:21	#16
AnimalChin DRINK CHEERWINE Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 1,001,028	Re: emails from my dad From Today's Wall Street Journal: Bloomberg: China will introduce its first passenger jet today, taking on Bombardier and Empresa Brasileira de Aeronautica in the world's fastest-growing aviation market. China Aviation Industry, the nation's biggest plane maker, will showcase its first midsize ARJ21 regional jet at the Shanghai Aircraft Manufacturing Factory. UPDATE: China has now announced that after an initial test flight, there will be a delay in delivery of this new plane. Turns out that it was painted with lead paint and couldn't get off the ground!

21st December 2007, 10:21	#17
AnimalChin DRINK CHEERWINE Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 1,001,028	Re: emails from my dad aahahahahahah

21st December 2007, 11:48	#18
bigdaddy McDonalds has STEAK on ANY breakfast sandwich! Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: TEXAS! Posts: 1,906	Re: emails from my dad Not from my dad, but I did just get this from the PM on one of our projects. MAN LAWS 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: (1) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (2) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. (3) After wrecking your boss' car. 3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed. 4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her. 6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However , complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is forbidden. 8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops; not the weakest. 9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. 10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... if it's delivered by a model, and only when it's free! 11 : Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 12: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. 13: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. 14: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies, until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. 15: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just plain greedy. 16: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. 17: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights: (1) Yeah, Baby, Push it! (2) C'mon, give me one more! Harder! (3) Another set and we can hit the showers! 20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. 21: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. 22 : Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of pink, lime green, or sky blue. 23: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story. 24: There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. Period! LOL!