emails from my dad

[Rooflechicken]

Quote: Originally Posted by maladjusted My parents had my mom's gay hairdresser and his life partner over for Xmas since me and MrsMal didn't go up there.

so they figured any penis and a butch chick would be a reasonable replacement?

or

I didn't know you did your moms hair

or

that was the only other choice?

[bologna.com]

I'd like to propose a toast...

[Stiffy]

Quote: Originally Posted by Rooflechicken so they figured any penis and a butch chick would be a reasonable replacement? or I didn't know you did your moms hair or that was the only other choice?

ZOTD

[AnimalChin]

Sent: Tuesday, January 08, 2008 1:06 PM
Subject: FW: World's Shortest Books


Here are a few good books to help you get a fresh start in the New Year


The World's Shortest Books:


THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan .
Illustrated by Michael Moore
________________________________________

MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS &
HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton
_______________________________________



THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
by Hillary Clinton
________________________________
Sequel:
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill Clinton
___________________________________
MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE
by Osama Bin Laden
___________________________________
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates

____________________________________
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman

_________________________________
THINGS I KNOW TO BE TRUE
by Al Gore & John Kerry
_______________________________________
AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
___________________________________
A COLLECTION of
MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by Dr. J Kevorkian
__________________________________
ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE
by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnel
____________________________________
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson
__________________________________
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
_______________________________________
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O.J. Simpson
_________________________________________
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE OVER BRIDGES
by Ted Kennedy
___________________________________
MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton
with introduction by The Rev. Jesse Jackson and
epilogue by Brittany Spears
*******************************************************
AND, JUST ADDED:
Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy!
By Nancy Pelosi

* * * * * *
The Power of Positive Thinking, Revised Version
by Harry Reid
^^^^^^^

[AnimalChin]

Sent: Thursday, January 31, 2008 1:25 PM
Subject: Fw: FW:


WOULDN'T IT BE
GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN
GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?

“My
Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been
completed.



Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission
in Iraq is complete.



This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces
from Iraq This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to
begin the reckoning.





Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which
have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short . The
United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia , and Poland are some of
the countries listed there.



The other list contains every one not on the first list. Most of the world's
nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies
of both lists later this evening.



Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those
nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved
during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi
war. THEN
EVERY YEAR THERE AFTER IT’ll GO TO OUR SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM SO IT WONT
GO BROKE IN 20 YE ARS .




The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world
Hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.



Need help with a famine ? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France .



In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money
t oward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home . On that
note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt
you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.




Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or maybe China .




I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France ,
Germany , and Russia . Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring
from NATO as well. Bonne
chance, mez
amies.




I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN
diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking
tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed.
I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens
of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your
precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest
chop shops in the world. I love New York



A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely
to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might wa nt to try not
pissing us off for a change.



Mexico is also on List 2 its
president and his entire
corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple
extra thousand
tanks
and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put 'em?
Yep, border security.



Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting
now. < /FONT>



We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for
oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades
to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer
you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there.



It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn
tootin."



Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the
world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the
planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America It is time to eliminate
homelessness in America . To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank
you guys. We owe you and we won't forget.



To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak
Arabic.



God bless America . Thank you and good night. R20;



If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English,
thank a soldier.




(Please forward this to at least ten friends and see what happens! Let's
get this to every USA computer!)





Climb

[AnimalChin]

Suspected this was happening !!

I'm not sure about the accuracy of the following, but it does give you pause!

July 8, 1947

Many of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, almost exactly 60 years ago, witnesses claimed that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other federal Agencies and organizations.

However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of March 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born:

Albert A. Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William J. Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer

See what happens when aliens breed with sheep? I certainly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you. It did for me

[Stiffy]

I hit my dem friends with this every couple months just to see the froth at the mouth screaming about the inaccuracies.

[AnimalChin]

where the fuck did my other thread go

“	Sent: Tuesday, July 08, 2008 7:05 AM Subject: Mark your Calendar for Saturday Sign up your ladies and get involved! As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked. He must commit suicide if he does. So next Saturday, 7/5/08, at 4 PM Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort. All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Muslims, and to demonstrate they think its okay to see nude women other than their wife, and to show support for all American women. Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Muslim sentiment. The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity. God bless America! It is your patriotic duty to pass this on. If you don't send this to at least 5 people you're a terrorist sympathizing lily-livered coward and are in the position of posing as a national threat!	”

[Phix]

That's funny.

Well, the 9/11 hijackers did spend time and money in a Las Vegas strip club days before the attack.

[Phix]

Hey Allah binSwanson... Here it is.

[sandman]

I approve that message.

[Phix]

I love how "Thread Tools" works for some threads... and not for others...

[maladjusted]

Quote: Originally Posted by Rooflechicken so they figured any penis and a butch chick would be a reasonable replacement? or I didn't know you did your moms hair or that was the only other choice?

Hay those would have been amusing if I'd read them in a timely fashion.

[Rooflechicken]

Quote: Originally Posted by maladjusted Hay those would have been amusing if I'd read them in a timely fashion.

they were still amusing even if you are late

[AnimalChin]

Quote: Originally Posted by Phix I love how "Thread Tools" works for some threads... and not for others...

^^^ hope that's not pointed at me being a dumbass.

i tried a dozen different searches, then manually dug through some forums but couldn't fucking find it.

[Phix]

Quote: Originally Posted by AnimalChin ^^^ hope that's not pointed at me being a dumbass. i tried a dozen different searches, then manually dug through some forums but couldn't fucking find it.

No, that's me getting pissed off at how sometimes thread tools works... and other times it doesn't.

Just like how I'm pissed that I still can't see anything other than the basic font and font size from this browser on this computer only on this forum...

[AnimalChin]

Quote: Originally Posted by Phix No, that's me getting pissed off at how sometimes thread tools works... and other times it doesn't. Just like how I'm pissed that I still can't see anything other than the basic font and font size from this browser on this computer only on this forum...

word

[Phix]

That's a missing image... It was lost in the vbulletin upgrade.

[AnimalChin]

Quote: Originally Posted by Phix It was lost in the vbulletin upgrade.

ya think?

i wondder what else happened in the 'upgrade'

[Phix]

Quote: Originally Posted by AnimalChin ya think? i wondder what else happened in the 'upgrade'

Me and B got to read all of your PMs.

Just yours.